


I Guess That's Love

by Imagined



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Oblivious Stephen Strange, Pining, Stephen Strange feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, because of the love spell, but when i say mildly i mean very mildly, it's only there in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 10:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17363969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagined/pseuds/Imagined
Summary: Stephen accidentally casts a love spell - or at least, hemaybedoes. Considering Tony doesn't really act any differently, he thinks it's safe to say that he hasn't.If he had, it would have been extremely embarrassing.





	I Guess That's Love

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year, folks! In the middle of exams, I present to you a 8,5k fic. Because that's how I'm wired, apparently. I hope everyone enjoys! Title comes from Tom Odell's _Can't Pretend_ \- a great song I highly recommend listening to. cheers!

Stephen likes to think of himself as a curious and intelligent man. He became a doctor to help people, of course, but also because it’s such an interesting and broad subject. He is sharp, he always has been. Becoming the Sorcerer Supreme bears its own unique responsibility, and Stephen has studied the subject of magic diligently. He works through multiple heavy books a week, willing himself to understand all the spells and curses and potions. Some of them are gruesome; others useful; some he has no idea what he would ever use them for. 

He does not know in what category ‘love spells’ fall, when he stumbles upon it.

Some of the spells are more violent than others. There are some potions, but Stephen skips those to look at the pages with the oral spells. It sounds so harmless, a silly little enchantment, but love is a dangerous influence that cause many people to make the foolish and unwise decisions they wouldn’t make otherwise. There are some varieties of love spells, options Stephen had never even considered.

The first he reads is a more violent option; it basically turns the one who is cursed into a slave. Stephen frowns at it and turns a page. The next option is a bit milder, but not by much. The one under this spell will believe the one who cursed them to be the greatest person on Earth and will willingly go to whatever end for their best interests. Stephen doubts that ‘’willingly’’ is the right word to use, but it is definitely the more dangerous. 

The third one he sees is – well, different. There’s a crease in its page, and Stephen feels his eyebrows raise as his fingers rest on the words. It’s another love spell; but it’s more of an innocent love spell, compared to the others. The recipient will believe themselves to be in love, but they will not be mindless minions, enslaved to another’s will. In another way, it’s more dangerous than the other two: their hearts can be broken, they will be convinced their love is real. It’s more like actual love, and perhaps that is worse than the other two spells.

Stephen’s eyes linger on it, and he thinks of how it would be to love someone. He does not mind being alone in the Sanctum: it’s the price of who he is, and he loves what he does. He was meant to do this, and he will never regret the path he took. But still – it may be better to share it with someone. He wonders how close to the real thing the spell feels.

It’s not even a difficult enchantment. He smiles wryly and whispers the words, closing his eyes, though he would not be able to explain to anyone for what reason. A gusty wind breezes past him for just a second, and Stephen opens his eyes –

‘’Hey, Wong told me you were here,’’ Tony Stark says, walking in with his usual sunglasses and tight jeans. Stephen sits up straighter, eyeing the superhero billionaire critically.

‘’Stark? Why are you here?’’ he says sharply, all the while cursing himself for uttering any sort of spell while anyone could walk in. He has grown to be more careful than that.

Tony’s grin slips. ‘’Well, great to see you too,’’ he mutters. ‘’Bimonthly update time, Stephen. Chop, chop, you didn’t forget about our lovely date, didn’t you?’’

The mention of a date freezes Stephen, but he relaxes then. If Tony was affected by the love spell, he would have acted differently. No one that just fell in love with anyone like that would be so sincere and unaffected. He would have shown some signs. Tony always flirts with everyone, and this is no different.

‘’Yes, of course,’’ Stephen recovers, and gestures to a free chair for Tony to sit in. Tony takes the invitation for what it is. Stephen pays extra attention, but Tony doesn’t behave any differently, and he is extremely grateful that his carelessness didn’t result into Tony being under a love spell. 

That would have been extremely embarrassing.

~*~

Everything works out, for a little while. Stephen forgets about the love spell as he is pressed by more concerning matters. Magic monsters and the like – no need for love spells to battle that. There are far more effective ways to defeat those who want to harm the world under Stephen’s protection. 

He can only imagine what a love spell would do to one of those monsters. It’d be effective in a way he is terrified to consider.

Well. Anyway. He does not cast any love spells and puts the incident out of his mind. After all, no harm has been done, he is certain of it. He meets up with Tony twice for their meetings – the continued cooperation with the Avengers allows Stephen to be aware of both magical and earthly dangers. They are all on the same side, after all, and that is why he and Tony meet. He does not know the man behind Iron Man very well besides the most obvious information, and he does not feel the need to get to know him either.

He knows him well enough to know Tony doesn’t act any differently, and that’s all that matters.

~*~

‘’Hey, Strange,’’ Tony says as he drops down next to him, in the middle of fighting a dragon that breathes a highly poisonous sort of liquid that burns and sizzles. ‘’Nice of you to show up early for our bimonthly update.’’ 

‘’Hilarious,’’ Stephen retorts. ‘’Need a hand?’’

Tony flips up his mask and grins, lazily and open. ‘’Thought a dragon might be a bit more of your domain, anyway,’’ the man answers. 

‘’Right,’’ Stephen says sceptically as he looks up at the dragon. It’s focused on the other Avengers now, but that is soon bound to change, seeing the way it is quickly coming towards them. ‘’If you keep it focused on the air, I can focus on a binding spell. It will minimize the damage, if nothing else.’’

Tony’s mask shuts again and he salutes. ‘’As the doctor prescribed,’’ he says and flies up. Stephen can’t help but roll his eyes at the theatrics, and gets to work as Tony keeps the dragon’s eyes away from a lonely wizard on the streets. 

It’s – well, it’s not an ordinary day, but the dragon goes down more easily than Stephen thought. The combined efforts of the Avengers, along with his binding spell, put the beast down. From there on, it’s a rather easy spell that allows him to make it disappear to an alternate dimension in which dragons are part of the usual scenery. Stephen doesn’t even blink anymore at all the dimensions that exist. Becoming a sorcerer has certainly widened his gaze in unprecedented ways.

Tony grins at him. ‘’We should get you for more missions,’’ he says. ‘’You come in use after all, Dr Strange.’’

Stephen smiles back, taken by the illogicality of it all. This is not how he had envisioned his life years ago. ‘’You couldn’t afford me,’’ he simply says, and opens a portal back to the Sanctum.

‘’I doubt that!’’ he hears Tony shout back even as he steps away. 

Well, maybe he has a point there.

~*~

He finds the book with the love spells lying on the desk a week later, and stares at it before he sits down again. The words look harmless; he frowns at them, and flips a page. The warnings are there, and he almost laughs at the memory of it. 

The spells don’t work on someone who is already in love, the book tells him. Artificial love will never beat the true sentiment; not even something as powerful as a spell has a way of forging a bond when another one already exists.

It makes him feel slightly better.

~*~

‘’Well, I have to get back home,’’ Tony says as their next bimonthly meeting concludes. It’s getting rather late outside – normally they have their meetings earlier, but Stephen had had an inter-dimensional mishap he’d had to deal with in the afternoon. 

‘’Sorry for pulling you away so late,’’ Stephen offers, as he gets up. ‘’You can tell Pepper to blame me, if you need to.’’

Tony looks up at him. ‘’Oh,’’ he says. ‘’Pepper and I – well, we’re – we’re not. Anymore, I mean. We haven’t made a big deal out of it, though, but it was just - you know. We had a good run of it, I guess. More than I’d have expected.’’

‘’I’m sorry to hear that,’’ Stephen says, looking over the man. Tony is tense, not exactly meeting his eyes, but it’s a subtle thing. Stephen thinks he wouldn’t even notice it, had he not met with Tony often enough to see it. Perhaps he knows the other man better than he thought.

Tony grins, but it’s without the usual humour. ‘’It is what it is. I’m not an easy person to deal with.’’

Stephen offers him a rueful smile. ‘’For what it’s worth, neither am I. You’ve lasted a good long while; clearly you’re better at it than I am.’’

Tony huffs, raising his eyebrows. ‘’That, I find hard to believe. Tall handsome doctor, occasional sorcerer who saves the universe. Bet you don’t even need a pick-up line.’’

‘’Arrogant, unsociable know-it-all who snarks his way through life, you mean,’’ Stephen snorts.

‘’Yeah, well, so am I –‘’ Tony starts, but the wizard talks over him.

‘’Not to mention one who barely leaves his rooms anymore. I don’t think anyone could deal with that, let alone once the saving-the-universe part added the equation. It’s too much for so many people that I’ve given up on that part of life. It’s not for me, Tony, but I’m sure there’s someone there for you. Someone who can deal with everything life throws at you and who sees you for who you are.’’

Tony’s smile is insincere, and Stephen pretends not to notice. There’s something else in it, though, something that frays at its edges, but he can’t understand the meaning behind it. 

‘’Yeah, well,’’ the genius says, and his voice is rough in the quiet of the Sanctum. ‘’If there is someone like that, I’m not sure they’d want me anyway. Night, Stephen. I’ll see you in two weeks.’’

‘’Good night, Tony,’’ Stephen answers, and stands there, confused and with a pounding heart for minutes after Tony has left.

What is he doing?

~*~

Stephen does not know why he visits the Avengers Compound to see Tony, only three days later. Something pulls him towards the man, someone who’s grown more than to be an acquaintance, more than a simple team-mate. He remembers Tony’s unravelling smile, and remembers thinking how wrong it looked.

He does not know why Tony lets him in, either, surprise glittering in his eyes.

But Tony lets him in, and they don’t talk about the why of things.

~*~

There’s a difference now, and Stephen can feel the subtle adjustments shift into place with an uncomfortable acuteness. They’re not simply colleagues anymore, but something else. Something he doesn’t know how to name yet. 

Tony and he go out for lunch together, or watch movies, or just talk late at night. They manage to fill the hours easily with conversation of past events and future wishes. Stephen feels accomplished when he manages to make Tony laugh, but he feels even better when Tony smiles quietly at him. There’s an uneven tilt to his lips, and it manages to make him look both sincere and like a mischievous schoolboy. That’s who Tony _is_ , he’s come to realize: a wonderfully kind man, and a playful child full of curiosity. 

Sometimes they’re so busy that they don’t speak for a few days, and that’s okay too. 

They’re shifting, waging, waiting. But he doesn’t know for what.

~*~

Things – change.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Stephen’s first duty is to the Sanctum, but he teams up more often with the Avengers now. His assistance is greatly appreciated, the Captain tells him with a kind smile, but it’s Tony’s weary grin after missions that truly make Stephen feel like he’s helping out in a way he didn’t before.

It doesn’t go unnoticed. Wong regards him, a cool morning in April, as he is just sending off a text to Tony. ‘’Not that your personal life is any of my business,’’ his friend starts off slowly, ‘’but you should remember that we are here to protect the world from mystical threats – not the physical ones.’’

‘’I know,’’ Stephen responds, looking at him as he stuffs away his phone. ‘’That’s what we’re doing. What does that have to do with my personal life?’’

Wong sighs, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘’You’ll figure it out soon enough, Stephen.’’

Stephen looks after him as he disappears. 

‘’Right,’’ he states. He would think more on it, had his phone not pinged. It’s a text from Tony, and Stephen smiles at it before he goes to type a response.

~*~

He wakes up in the middle of the night with the realisation.

Somehow, along the way, he’s fallen in love with Tony.

Oh.

~*~

The feeling is so unreal for him – it’s been a long while since he was in love. The only person he’s ever loved is Christine, and that was different: more twisted with his own desires and hopes, twisted with his egoism, twisted with her portrayal of him as someone he wasn’t. Twisted.

Tony is different – or maybe it’s because he is different, this time around. Stephen’s heart pounds, and he thinks back on the books with love spells. He understands now, the temptation of looking at someone with so much longing and making them belong. But he knows, more than anyone, that magic isn’t the solution to everything. The thought of placing Tony under a spell – even accidentally – makes him sick. 

No, Tony isn’t under a spell, he's certain of it. He hasn’t acted differently, not until Stephen did. This is real, and that makes it all the more frightening. This is slow and sure; ebb and tide; this is what falling in love is supposed to feel like. This is what he’d always expected it would feel, and never believed he would encounter.

Tony looks at him, and Stephen wonders if he shouldn’t have cancelled this meeting. It’s not one of their more friendly outings: it’s a business meeting, with Tony as the Avengers’ liaison and Stephen as their ally. He can’t quite concentrate as Tony lines out the dangers faced, the preventions to take; and it shows.

‘’I think we should call an end to this meeting,’’ Tony says. ‘’You’re – something.’’

‘’I’m fine,’’ Stephen says, and it’s almost snappish. ‘’Continue. I’m paying attention.’’

Tony’s mouth quirks up. ‘’C’mon, Stephen. I’ve almost seen your soul drift out of your body three times already, or however you want to call it. What’s bothering you?’’

The disadvantage of getting to know Tony is so well is that Tony has gotten to know him equally so. Stephen stares at him for a moment, and he’s never been a great liar: he gives away something. Tony’s eyes narrow, and there’s complete silence for a few seconds before Stephen has to look away.

‘’Stephen.’’

Tony’s voice is considerably softer now, and it forces him to look back. He wants to say something to make him look differently, to make the situation go away – but he’s stuck. Years of training in magic and thousands of dollars spent on becoming a doctor, and yet Stephen hasn’t mastered the art of dealing with lovesickness.

Well. It’s not as if he’s had much experience in dealing with it.

Tony is closer to him, now, and Stephen could count his eyelashes if he were so inclined. From here, he can see the freckles that decorate Tony’s nose – faded away and old, but there’s something so endearing about them that his heart misses a beat. Tony’s eyes search his, and Stephen has to keep his breath.

It’s not like him to be this affected. It’s – different. Is this how it is for everyone else?

‘’I’m going out on a limb here, and you should totally stop me if I’m wrong,’’ Tony says. He keeps his eyes focused on Stephen, and he expects the other man will continue talking.

Instead, Tony kisses him, and Stephen kisses him back with the fervour of a drowning man.

~*~

Stephen has a hard time with stopping to feel like he’s in free fall. It’s not a bad thing; it’s exhilarating and his heart is still racing, days after the fact.

Days after Tony kissed him.

Tony’s here right now: he’s lying on Stephen’s couch, shoes off, animatedly talking on the phone with someone from R&D. There’s a hole in his sock, the only blemish on his otherwise perfectly flawless outfit. He’s wearing a light blue suit that would look ridiculous on otherwise else, but Tony has a way of pulling of outfits no one else can wear. Stephen could look at him all day.

Tony catches his eyes, and smiles even as he keeps talking. Stephen smiles back, before turning to his own manuscripts. There’s a surprising amount of cataloguing to do in the world of magic, but he’s not complaining. Learning about this world full of wonders still manages to enchant him.

He hears Tony say goodbye in the background, before he’s suddenly standing behind him.

‘’I have to go,’’ Tony says with a hint of apology in his voice. ‘’Catch you for dinner?’’

Stephen thinks about it. He had agreed to spend the evening with the leader of the London Sanctum to discuss a few matters of importance, but he doesn’t want to let Tony down. Besides, they’re already busy enough. He can reschedule with Minoru. 

‘’Sure,’’ he says, standing up to kiss the other man softly. ‘’Your place at seven?’’

Tony grins. ‘’Looking forward to it.’’

‘’Me too,’’ Stephen answers, and he means it more than anything. 

~*~

Surprisingly little changes. 

Stephen’s world has changed entirely, but in practice, very little does. He wants to spend most of his time with Tony, but they’re both busy – it can’t always work like that. He is the Sorcerer Supreme, and Tony works two jobs as head of R&D for Stark Industries and does lots for the Avengers. Still, Stephen has his portals, so he can visit Tony as much as he likes.

It’s glorious, and new, and he basks in the feeling of it. It’s not the ending, just the beginning, and he’s sure he can hold onto it.

Until the time they’re in battle.

Tony gets smacked out of the air by a small army of smart robots – not AIs, Tony had said, but definitely smart enough to do some destruction – and Stephen’s heart stops for a moment. He doesn’t remember very well what he does afterwards: it starts with the robots falling to the ground, all empty and broken, and it ends with him rushing to Tony’s position.

‘’Hey, what happened?’’ Tony asks, as he sits upright.

Stephen can finally breathe out in peace again. ‘’I dealt with them,’’ he says, ignoring the looks all the other Avengers send him. ‘’Are you alright? Don’t move, you may have broken something.’’

‘’No, I had FRIDAY check already,’’ Tony says flippantly. ‘’Couldn’t have done that before, could you?’’

Stephen hears the edge to his voice, the question mark that might not be apparent to all, and ignores it. The spell he used – he doesn’t quite remember what it was, but he must’ve read about it somewhere. It might not have been completely safe, but Tony was in danger.

‘’Stay down, anyway,’’ he hears himself say. ‘’I’d feel better if I checked myself.’’

‘’Stephen, I’m fine,’’ Tony says exasperatedly. ‘’Hey, what’s up with you?’’

‘’I saw you smacked out of the sky. I was worried.’’

Tony nods slowly, but he still looks at Stephen. The other Avengers move away, checking the robots to give them some privacy, now that they’ve all seen that Tony is alright. 

‘’You know I’ve had worse, right?’’ Tony says carefully, and the thought sends a spike through Stephen’s heart. He ignores it.

~*~

Wong approaches him the same night. ‘’You used a spell today,’’ he starts slowly, ‘’that I don’t think you should have used.’’

‘’It was an emergency,’’ Stephen snaps at him. He doesn’t understand what it’s like, to see the man you love fall out of the sky. 

Wong holds up his hands. ‘’Stephen. You have to use your head in these matters, not your heart.’’

Stephen ignores him, too. 

~*~

They still have the biweekly meetings. Tony fidgets through it, but Stephen decides not to question him on it. If Tony has something to say, he’ll say it in his own time.

He’s right.

‘’Stephen,’’ Tony starts. They’re sitting shoulder by shoulder, and Tony radiates a warmth through his thin shirt that leaves Stephen wanting more. ‘’I’ve talked to the Avengers, and I think it’s… well. We all think it may be for the best if you stop coming to so many battles with us.’’

‘’What?’’ 

Tony shifts, and the warmth leaves Stephen both literally and metaphorically. ‘’Last time, when I got injured… look, Stephen, I get that, I would freak out if you were hurt. But thing is, I was fine, and you didn’t take my word on it and went solo. We can’t do that. It was fine before, but you’re helping out all the time now, and you have your own responsibilities here. What it was before, with you helping out in emergencies – that worked better, don’t you think? Both of us doing more of our own thing?’’

‘’No, I don’t think that,’’ Stephen says. ‘’What if you get hurt, and I’m not out there?’’

Tony stands up, making a frustrated grunt. Stephen gets up too, half-reaching for Tony as well before he stops himself.

‘’That’s not the point,’’ Tony says, turning around on his heels and his eyes willing Stephen to understand. ‘’You said to me, before. You said that I deserve someone who can handle what life throws at me. Well, that’s this, Stephen. If I get hurt, I’ve got a team full of people to worry about me, and they can do it better than you if you’re going in with your heart instead of your head.’’

_You have to use your head in these matters, not your heart._

Wong’s words echo. Stephen shakes it off. ‘’I won’t,’’ he says.

‘’You already did!’’ Tony shouts, and that echoes, too. He sags into himself immediately after, as if yelling had cost him more energy than he had to give. ‘’Stephen, can’t you see that this is not what we wanted? I love you. I’ve loved you for months, loved you from the start, but you can’t do this. You’re not handling this: you’re going to go mad with worry, with what you’re doing now. We both lead a dangerous life, and I thought you could accept that.’’

Stephen is silent for a moment. He can feel the dark brown eyes on him; weighing, calculating.

‘’I have to keep you safe,’’ he says, ‘’and I can’t do that if I’m not there.’’

Somehow, it feels like he’s given the wrong answer.

~*~

Something is wrong.

But I can’t think of what it is.

~*~

Tony doesn’t come to bed with him. Somehow, Stephen’s heart aches – it aches a great deal more than he would have thought.

_You have to use your head in these matters, not your heart._

He mulls it over, in the darkness of his room. 

It’s love. He loves Tony – more than love; it’s an unending ache in his heart, throbbing with the need to be with him, to keep him safe. He hadn’t ever imagined he could feel like this. It had been different, once, it had been…

Real.

The word fills his head, and Stephen sits up straight in his bed, the covers falling off him.

It had been real. When Stephen had watched Tony, early on, when he hadn’t realized it again. Hearing Tony snigger over a comment he’d just made, or a bad joke by anyone else. Seeing Tony light up when an answer came to him, when he was genuinely in his element. Watching Tony, that night he’d come to the Avengers Compound, and when he had worn the surprise on his face so heart-breaking that Stephen had wanted to brush it away.

It had been real –

which could only mean it wasn’t now.

~*~

Wong and Tony sit there, opposite him, the candlelight playing with the shadows on their faces. 

‘’This really couldn’t wait?’’ Wong says, but his face is serious.

Tony remains silent, but Stephen talks. He has to get the thought out of his head, before the desire to be with Tony smothers everything again. He can still feel the burning realization, and he searches among the stacks of books.

‘’Wong,’’ he says. ‘’I was reading one of the Renaissance books, a few months ago – something written by the elder witches, if I remember correctly. Purple binding, and in there –‘’

‘’Love spells,’’ Wong finishes for him, and raises his eyebrows. ‘’You were studying it – but that’s months ago.’’

Stephen can sense the moment Tony sharpens in, feels the air buzz when Tony’s brain starts working, but he doesn’t yet say anything. ‘’Yes, and I was interrupted for a bimonthly update on the Avengers when I was reading it,’’ he says. ‘’I’ve been an idiot. A complete and utter fool.’’

‘’What did you do, Stephen?’’ Tony says now, and it would have been better if he’d sounded mad. This quiet, weary knowledge shaped like fear moulds his voice into something softer, and it turns the love-sick side of Stephen into a worried partner.

‘’It wasn’t a memorable day,’’ Stephen says. ‘’The only reason I remember it now is because – well, because I feared I’d done exactly what it turns out I did. The idea of love spells are fascinating – love, in and of itself, is one of the most discussed themes of human life. Romantic love, especially, is something of a fascination for the majority of us. I don’t have much experience with it; I was drawn to wonder if a spell could create the same effect that real love would have. The effects described were so much like what I imagined love to be like, that I couldn’t imagine a more powerful spell. And I made a novice mistake.’’

Wong realizes, at this point. ‘’You uttered the spell,’’ he says.

Stephen sighs. ‘’I did. I did not see the harm in it; or maybe I didn’t think about it at all. But I said the words, and then Tony came in.’’

Tony narrows his eyes. ‘’Wait. You put a love spell on me?’’ he demands.

Stephen shakes his head. ‘’I didn’t. I thought that perhaps, I had, at first, but you did not act any differently and I put it out of my mind. The spell cannot affect anyone in love; when I read that, I thought your love for Pepper had saved you from the spell being placed on you. But that’s not what did the trick, right?’’

Tony looks away. ‘’I was already in love with you.’’

‘’You said it tonight. You said that you’ve loved me from the start.’’

Tony’s eyes are alight with realization, but it’s a sad light. ‘’I walked in when you said the spell, it took its hold on you, and you fell in love with me because – what? I was the first one you saw? Is that it?’’

‘’Yes,’’ Stephen says carefully, and watches Tony’s heart break. It would be a fascinating thing to watch, had Stephen not felt his own heart go with it; Tony’s face crumbles, for a second the dark pools of his eyes brimming, before the man takes an inconspicuous breath and draws himself up with a strength that would have fooled Stephen, had he not known better. 

‘’There are ways to release the spell,’’ Wong says. ‘’It's quite easy, actually.’’

Stephen will have to thank him later: Tony would not take kindly to being treated as vulnerable. He allows Tony to gain his composure for a bit longer by turning to Wong. ‘’Right. But a love spell can’t be broken by the person who’s under it. I’ve read up on it some more.’’

Wong nods once. ‘’Right. So I’ll do it.’’

‘’Right,’’ Tony says. ‘’Okay. Am I here for that? This isn’t exactly my area of expertise, doc.’’

‘’Tony,’’ Stephen begins, and sighs when he does not immediately find the words to continue. ‘’I’m – I’m so sorry. I’ve made a mistake, and you’re the one who pays for it. I’m an idiot.’’

‘’Yeah, you are,’’ Tony says. He doesn’t say anything more.

It’s hard to see him like this. Logically, he knows he’s under a love spell. He knows that Wong will only say a few words, and he won’t feel like this anymore. He knows that he won’t feel the same about Tony. For now, though, he watches the face of the man he loves more dearly than any other, and almost breaks at the grief in his eyes. His heart claws at him to do something, to embrace him, kiss him, promise him that Stephen isn’t going anywhere.

But he’s under a spell, and he won’t be able to be himself until he’s out of it.

‘’I’m so sorry,’’ he says again, quietly. He can’t help Tony, and it hurts more than he can imagine. Anything he wants to do will only hurt him more. ‘’Wong, do it.’’

Wong wastes no words and mutters a few simple words; the air around him freezes for a moment before it’s gone, and Stephen shivers and blacks out.

~*~

‘’Hey,’’ is the first thing he hears when he wakes up. Tony hovers above him, but he leans back once Stephen regains his consciousness bit by bit.

‘’Tony,’’ he says, confused. Then it all comes back to him, and he winces, sitting up immediately. He’s in his bedroom in the Sanctum; Wong isn’t here, but Tony looks at him almost defiantly.

‘’I’m sure this is all horribly awkward now,’’ Tony starts, ‘’but you fainted, so Wong and me carried you up here to sleep it off. It’s apparently harder on the mind to lose a love spell than to gain one, but I wanted to check you. See if you’re okay. But you’re doing fine, aren’t you?’’

He almost sounds fond, at the ending. Stephen looks intently at his face. He feels dazed and nauseous. ‘’It grows, a love spell,’’ he can only think to say. ‘’To make it mirror the real thing. It’s like planting a seed, and then removing a tree.’’

Tony nods sharply at that, and Stephen curses his own words. ‘’Yeah, uh – that makes sense, I guess. No such thing as love at first sight, that’s not how it works. Well, if you’re alright, I’ll get going. It’s late, and well, I’m obviously not going to stay over.’’

‘’Tony –‘’ Stephen starts, but then falls silent. Tony waits for him, already half turned away. His silhouette makes something in Stephen twinge, but he does not know if it’s guilt or friendship or anything else that causes it. All his emotions are muddled up; the sharpness with which he felt them under the spell completely gone. In a way, he misses that clarity. It made things a lot easier.

‘’I’d say that I’ll see you around, but I’m not sure that’s the best idea for now,’’ Tony says, not looking him in the face. ‘’I know you’re sorry, Strange, but sorry doesn’t cut it here. I’d like to play nice, but I’m not sure I’m nice enough to keep acting very civilly when I’ve just got my heart broken in the most unexpected way possible.’’

‘’I know,’’ Stephen says, and now Tony does turn to him with a melancholy smile.

‘’I know you do,’’ he says, and then he’s gone.

Stephen sighs, and goes back to sleep. There’s little else he can do.

~*~

Life goes on, a little duller than it has before.

Stephen gets back to his usual tasks – under the spell, he hadn’t seen how much he had been neglecting them. Wong had picked up his slack, and he feels a tinge of guilt for everything he has caused. He should have known better, but he’d wanted – what? Love? 

A spell doesn’t create love. He knows it better now than ever. He had spiralled out of control, and he only barely managed to make sense of reality, just in time to save himself – and Tony.

He tries not to think about Tony. It’s harder than he thought it would. In fact, a lot of his thoughts revolve around the man, and he wonders if that’s natural. He still feels confused, as if all of his emotions are in a blender with only the vaguest hint of what is in the mix. Most noticeable is the guilt, but there’s also a hint of loss and loneliness in there.

He thinks about Tony’s quiet smile, so unlike his normal energetic babbling. His days are quieter, without the genius’ constant muttering by his side. He… misses it. He misses Tony, in fact: just because he’d been under a love spell doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the other man. Tony is a great guy: kind, affectionate, funny and smart as a whip. Stephen feels something stir in himself and shuts it off. He can’t moon over Tony – that’s exactly what he’s _not_ supposed to do.

Life goes on, a little duller than it has before, and Stephen waits, but doesn’t know for what.

~*~

He asks Wong to check if the love spell is really gone. It is.

Stephen doesn’t know what to do with that information. He feels suspiciously heart-broken.

~*~

It takes five weeks for Stephen to be called in by the Avengers. Emergency situation: two mages have gone against the Avengers, using civilians they have put under a spell.

Stephen goes over immediately, to be greeted by Tony and Bruce. He feels an acute stab of something as he sees them; Bruce edges a bit closer to Tony, and Tony looks at him for a few long seconds before turning away.

‘’Thanks for coming, Strange,’’ Tony says, almost emotionlessly. ‘’The others are trying to stop the civilians without doing any damage to them. Bruce and I aren’t the best option for damage-control in this situation, so we’re monitoring. It would help most if you could find a way to remove the spell from the civilians, and we can handle the mages.’’

Stephen takes a deep breath. Tony looks – well, he looks fine, but that could be just a trick. His dispassionate voice, so void of feelings, betrays the fact that he still has them. Still, Stephen can only look at him for a few moments, a heavy feeling settling on his chest. It’s not just guilt, anymore, but it’s hard to say what, exactly, it is.

‘’If they’re trained by one of the Sanctums, they’re ours to deal with,’’ he says eventually.

Bruce interferes. ‘’No offence, doctor Strange, but we can discuss that later. The most important thing is that we stop them from putting a spell on everyone in the New York.’’

‘’Of course,’’ Stephen says, and looks at Tony. Tony looks back, but he doesn’t know what to make of the expression on his face. 

In the end, it proves relatively easy; Wong comes to help them out, and between the two of them they eradicate the spells from everyone’s afflicted minds without difficulty. They are the two most powerful wizards of the New York Sanctum, after all, and the mages – two brothers, both in their twenties – have not been Sanctum-trained. 

It is, for lack of a better word, awkward, when he stands before Tony later. The rest of the Avengers are gathered there as well, opposite him and Wong. Still, Stephen has a hard time focusing on anyone but Tony.

He remembers how kissing him feels. He remembers the conversations they used to have, in the middle of the night, when Stephen had longed with an eagerness unknown to him before. He remembers, faintly, how being in love with Tony felt.

It had felt right, at the start. It had felt right, until the love spell had started twisting and turning until love was all that Stephen had had, and he’d lost himself.

But up to that point – he could have been happy. He and Tony could have been happy.

Tony’s eyes are on him, too, heavy and full of loss. Bruce, still standing beside him, shifts and puts a calming hand on Tony’s arm.

Something burns in Stephen.

~*~

Christine calls him. He doesn’t expect it: he hasn’t regained much from his old life, and among all he lost are his friends and acquaintances. Christine, with them, had left his life. She’d looked at him much like Tony had; masking herself, trying to be the least vulnerable she could be.

Stephen wonders if that’s his fate – always lose his possibility of love, walking the road of life with only passing figures by his side that watch him, at the end of their time together, with a vague mistrust and ample hurt on their faces.

He’s not sure why she calls – she calls it ‘checking up on him’. Honestly, it doesn’t much stick with him. Everything she talks about is part of his past, and not his present. People and places he doesn’t see anymore. Still, it’s nice to her hear voice. He wonders, if only for a moment, if he could love her again. If he could find her, and kiss her –

His mind conjures up an image from Tony, laughing and biting his lip and looking at him like he’d couldn’t quite believe Stephen was there, and his chest constricts. 

He doesn’t love Christine. He will never love her, not like it was before – and even then, it was a selfish love. As if not all love is selfish, he reflects. As if he could ever be anything but selfish. If he wasn’t selfish, he wouldn’t be here thinking about kissing the man whose heart he broke.

About the man who he’s falling in love with, for real this time.

~*~

_You have to use your head in these matters, not your heart._

‘’Wong,’’ Stephen begins. They’re sitting across each other in the library, working in peace. Not that Stephen gets done much; he’s far too conflicted.

Wong looks up. ‘’Stephen,’’ he says easily. Their friendship has come a long way.

‘’Have you ever been in love?’’ he asks, and it’s not what he meant to say, but now he knows that it’s what he should ask. 

His friend huffs, and looks away. ‘’Twice,’’ he answers.

Stephen nods slowly. ‘’What happened?’’

‘’The first time was a childhood friend; I never told her, and she met someone else. The second was after I came to Kamar-Taj. She was part of my training, and I looked up to her a great deal. She didn’t feel the same.’’

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Stephen offers. 

Wong shrugs him off. ‘’I am not. I can focus on my true calling, here. This is my life’s work, and I take great pride in it. I do not feel alone, like you do.’’

He is not even surprised by Wong’s last remark. He is remarkably perceptive, and it’s not the first time it shows. ‘’You told me to let my head rule my heart,’’ he says slowly. ‘’I wasn’t capable of it, when I was under the spell. I’m not sure I would be able to now.’’

‘’Do you know why I didn’t say anything, when you first started a relationship with Tony?’’ Wong begins. ‘’It’s because I understood why you would fall for him. The two of you fit in a way I don’t see many people fit. I didn’t notice you were under a love spell because there already was something long before. It took you a love spell to even notice the possibility, and for that, you’re an idiot. But if you want to try again, it’ll be different. You can make the choices the spell wouldn’t let you make before.’’

‘’Can I?’’ Stephen retorts. ‘’Can I be sure that I won’t put him before anything else?’’

Wong looks at him, tilting his head. ‘’You can’t,’’ he answers calmly. ‘’That’s how actual love works.’’

He’s silent, mulling it over. ‘’Will Tony even let me?’’ he then asks softly.

‘’That is the one thing I can’t help you with,’’ Wong tells him, but he pats his shoulder anyway.

~*~

Tony opens the door, and the look of bewilderment on his face brings back the memory of the first time Stephen had knocked on his door. 

‘’Tony,’’ Stephen says.

Tony nods stiffly. ‘’Doctor.’’

It aches, but he’s quickly growing used to it. ‘’Can I come in?’’ he asks. Tony looks back into his room, before his shoulders slump and he steps aside, letting Stephen enter his room. It hasn’t changed much from the last time he was there, and he doesn’t know why he thought it would have. Maybe because he feels like everything is different.

‘’What can I do you for?’’ Tony says, as he shuts the door and walks into his kitchen. Stephen has a nagging feeling that he doesn’t want to look at him; doesn’t want him to be here at all, in fact. He takes a deep breath.

‘’I wanted to talk to you. I haven’t seen you as much as I used to.’’

The bimonthly updates are now done by Natasha. She doesn’t take as much time as Tony used to do: she’s quick and efficient, and they always wrap things up within thirty minutes. 

Tony gives him a wry look, as he leans against the kitchen door. It wrinkles his shirt, and Stephen quells the urge to – well, he doesn’t even know. Straighten it out? Take the shirt off entirely? His feelings are messy, but that’s the thing that propels him forward. It’s hard to think, with Tony around, and it wasn’t when he was under the spell. When he was under the spell, everything was easier than it had ever been: all he’d felt was love and affection. It’s there now, but there’s also the lingering guilt, and doubt, and something that feels like the combination of hope and hopelessness.

‘’Stephen,’’ Tony finally says, and he looks at him. ‘’I’m not sure why you’re here. You know why I’m going out of my way to avoid you. I’m surprised you’re not doing the same thing, actually – well, no, maybe I understand. It’s not the same to you.’’

‘’Isn’t it?’’ Stephen retorts, and continues as Tony blinks. ‘’I remember what it was like to be under the spell. I remember how I felt for you. Just because the spell was lifted doesn’t mean I’m not affected, it’s just – it’s all warped. But it wasn’t. Or it didn’t use to be, I think.’’

‘’What?’’ Tony says.

‘’I’m rambling,’’ he mutters, and shakes his head. ‘’I wasn’t me, when I was under the spell. You saw that, too – I was ineffective, I was constantly worried, I was losing myself to love. But before that all happened, it was good, wasn’t it?’’

‘’Stephen –‘’

‘’Wasn’t it?’’

He can see Tony hesitate. ‘’Yeah. Look, Stephen, if I’d thought even for one minute that you were under a spell, I wouldn’t have done it. I’m not that much of an asshole, no matter what you think.’’

Now it’s Stephen’s turn to blink. ‘’I – I never thought that.’’

Tony doesn’t listen to him. ‘’You can’t consent, under a spell. Not really. I’ve been feeling like an asshole, crying over my own feelings, while I can’t even help you with any of it. It doesn’t matter if you thought you loved me in that moment, I –‘’

‘’That’s not what I was here to say,’’ Stephen interrupts him. ‘’Tony, none of what happened is your fault. It’s mine, and only mine. You couldn’t have known, and no one could ever reasonably expect you to. Wong didn’t even see, and he’s a master sorcerer.’’

‘’I could have known,’’ Tony says.

‘’You couldn’t. What happened –‘’

‘’What happened is that you fell in love with me, after months of my ridiculous pining, and I didn’t question it for a second,’’ Tony snaps. ‘’What happened is that I’m selfish enough not to question it. You told me you weren’t looking for anyone, and right after you start falling for me? I’m not an idiot. I should have seen that something was wrong, even if I couldn’t exactly know what. Look, Stephen, what do you want? I can’t do this.’’

Stephen ignores Tony’s look as he approaches him slowly. ‘’Why,’’ he begins gently, ‘’would you ever question someone falling in love with you? For a genius, you’re pretty stupid.’’

‘’You’ll make me swoon,’’ Tony says sarcastically, but his eyes don’t leave Stephen’s – not even when Stephen stands right in front of him.

‘’That _was_ the plan, actually,’’ he answers.

Tony laughs disbelievingly. ‘’I have a hard time believing that you came here to make me swoon.’’

‘’Well, maybe not just that. But the swooning was definitely part of my master plan.’’

‘’Right,’’ Tony hums. ‘’And what was the goal of your great master plan?’’

‘’I think you know,’’ Stephen tells him. ‘’Tony, I’m an idiot. I was an idiot long before I put a spell on myself. You suffered from it, but you have to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you like that. I thought the love spell was the reason that I loved you; in fact, I think it may have been the reason I lost you. I liked you long before the spell. I may not have been aware of it, but I know better now.’’

Tony closes his eyes, exhaling. ‘’You’re an asshole.’’

‘’I know. Sorry.’’

‘’You’re sure you didn’t actually put another spell on yourself?’’ Tony asks wryly, and Stephen wishes he knew what the man was really feeling. Although since he doesn’t really understand his own feelings, it’s perhaps for the best. Adding Tony’s feelings to the mix would only make him more confused.

‘’I’m very sure,’’ he affirms. ‘’Tony, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure.’’

Tony nods, opening his eyes again. Stephen can’t help himself as he leans forward; Tony doesn’t stop him, and then they’re kissing, soft but sure. It’s not the same as before, and Stephen revels in the differences as his hands find their way into Tony’s dark curls. He smells the same, though, and a pang of guilt fills him.

Tony breaks the kiss, and they’re silent for a few moments. Their faces are still so close that their noses are touching, and Stephen doesn’t dare say anything. His heart is pounding loud enough to say enough.

‘’I need time,’’ Tony says, and pushes him away suddenly. Stephen feels lost, without the familiar weight of him in his arms.

‘’Time,’’ Stephen repeats weakly. It’s not exactly how he saw this going, but he’s not exactly going to push the issue if that’s what Tony wants. And it is, he can tell – Tony can barely meet his eyes anymore, shuffling where he stands. ‘’Right. That’s fine.’’

‘’I’m sorry, Stephen,’’ Tony says, and he looks like he’s going to say something else, but then he disappears. 

Stephen lets himself out and doesn’t know how to feel. 

~*~

Days pass by, and he’s more away of it than he has ever been. He doesn’t hear anything of Tony in the meanwhile. He frets over it, of course, but he feels fresher now that he has his own mind made up. The ball is in Tony’s court now – Stephen will accept any decision he makes. He loves Tony, so it’s the least he can do.

He loves Tony. It feels so novel to say, though he must’ve said it dozens of times under the spell. He recognizes, now, what the spell had done to his emotions – sort it out, clarify it, given it a shape he hadn’t. This, however, is different – he’s in love, but instead of filling him up completely, it just settles in a place in his chest and doesn’t leave. He’s not obsessed and he’s not thinking about it all the time, but a small thing can remind him of Tony, and it leaves him with fond thoughts of the man.

He misses him, though. He misses him with all he has.

As time ticks by, Stephen tries not to lose hope. It’s a big decision to be made; he’s broken Tony’s heart before, if unintentionally, and it’s good to overthink a relationship. 

Still, when a knock on the door comes, he tries not to run towards it. He also tries not to be visibly disappointed when he sees it’s Bruce, but maybe it shows anyway.

‘’Hey,’’ Bruce says.

‘’Hello there,’’ he answers. ‘’Do you want to come in?’’

Bruce shakes his head, smiling slightly. ‘’No, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you not to hurt Tony like that again. He’s one of my closest friends, and you’ve hurt him before. Unintentionally, I know – he told me all of it. Just – be careful with him, alright?’’

‘’I mean to,’’ he says sincerely. ‘’But I haven’t talked to Tony in days. I’m not sure he even wants to come back.’’

Bruce shrugs. ‘’If I know him like I think I do, he’ll be here. He’s really gone on you.’’

Stephen can’t help but smile softly, at that. ‘’I am gone on him, too.’’

‘’I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you would be. Just a hunch, of course. Well, take care, Stephen. We’ll see you around.’’

~*~

Despite Bruce’s words, Stephen doubts. He can hardly blame Tony for choosing to stay away, and he promised him time. 

He buries himself in manuscripts and doesn’t think about it.

~*~

Two weeks after their conversation, someone knocks on the door.

Stephen isn’t the one who opens the door – someone else lets him in, and he’s working on rewriting a certain spell for more efficacy. He barely even notices anyone’s there until he hears a cough, and he looks up.

Tony’s standing in the door opening, grinning at him. ‘’I thought magic was supposed to be all mysterious and shadowy,’’ he says. ‘’Not you crossing out eighteenth-century manuscripts with a ball pen. Isn’t there some sort of law against that?’’

‘’Seventeenth-century,’’ Stephen corrects, ‘’and I’m the Sorcerer Supreme. I can do whatever I want.’’

‘’Convenient,’’ Tony hums, ‘’but it’s hard to take you seriously when you have ink on your face.’’ With that, he steps forward until he’s just standing in front of Stephen again. With a single-minded concentration, Tony wipes at Stephen’s brow with his sleeve until he’s seemingly satisfied. He takes a step back, staring at it, but Stephen takes a step forward, and Tony’s eyes flick toward Stephen’s own.

‘’Did you have enough time?’’ Stephen murmurs, taking Tony’s hands. They’re cold, and he starts rubbing almost automatically.

Tony scrapes his throat. ‘’I did,’’ he says. ‘’And I came to the conclusion that – well, that my feelings haven’t exactly changed. At this point, I’m not sure I have any say in it anymore. I was head over heels for you when I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same. You hurt me, but it wasn't exactly your fault, either.’’

‘’You want this?’’ He almost doesn’t dare to say it. Tony smiles, and it’s the tilted smile that makes him look like a mischievous genius again, his eyes glittering. ‘’You really want to do this? With me?’’

‘’I guess that’s love,’’ Tony says. 

Stephen knows it is. Finally, he knows that it really is.

He leans down, kissing Tony, and Tony kisses him back.

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing I appreciate more than kudos and comments! :)


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